I am a bit voracious as a reader. If I'm eating alone, I want something to read. On jury duty ... waiting in an office ... during a ballgame ... watching TV ... I'm reading. It's a little compulsive; I am the person who will read the back of the cereal box if there's nothing else around. This may be one reason that food labels do not present much of a challenge (more on those later).
So when I found a book lying in the breakroom, I naturally picked it up to read during lunch. Didn't really expect to dig into it in any depth, but thought it might serve in a pinch. Well, I really did dig into it and found it a very thoughtful and thorough approach to its subject, which is problem-solving. The book is "Crucial Confrontations," by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler, and it is based on years of research on managing conflict. It's a different approach than the one in "Ballroom Dancing is Not for Sissies," which I reviewed earlier this year, and because it is less context-specific, may be of greater interest to non-dancers.
Because this is outside the subject matter I generally choose, I can't compare this particular book to a lot of others in its category. All I can say is, if you have ever had a problem dealing with someone in your workplace or your private life, a problem specifically relating to broken promises, bad behavior patterns, insubordination, incompetence, lack of trust, or disappointed expectations, this is a book that lays out a plan for managing the situations so that everyone comes out ahead. I wish I had read it ten years ago.
I found a lot of value in this book, but the bit that fits most neatly with what I do here at Ombailamos is in an appendix and deals with praise. Specifically, it deals with the tendency to give praise only for big successes, while small everyday achievements go unnoticed.
This speaks to another part of the yoga practice, which is gratitude. A practice of thankfulness requires first, that we notice and second, that we think about the people, things, and events that are part of our lives, which means it is also part of the mindfulness practice. You can't be thankful for something you don't notice.
Every day I try to recognize and be thankful for five things, people, or events. This is super easy because most days, even if nothing else to appreciate had crossed my path (which is never the case), I would still have Mr. P, the two cats, and our apartment to be thankful for, which only leaves me one other thing to think of and appreciate. Most days, I make the five without having to reference my household riches at all.
I might, for example, wake up feeling particularly vigorous and powerful; that's something to be thankful for. I might have something delicious to look forward to for dinner. I might be seeing an old friend after a long hiatus. I might have just caught a beautiful view over the city to the ocean. I might have been stopped in traffic right in front of some of the spectacular architecture of Los Angeles. I might really like my new sweater, and how good one of my necklaces looks with it. I might have gotten a note from a co-worker who's just taken the initiative to improve our recordkeeping.
Getting back to the book, the authors refer to Donald Petersen, former chairman of Ford Motor Company, who apparently was known for his practice of daily sitting down to write personal notes to people in the company he had, as they say, caught doing something right. Mr. Petersen is quoted as saying, "The most important ten minutes of your day are those you spend doing something to boost the people you work with."
Thankfulness should be expressed, I believe, indiscriminately. Any time you feel that rush of gratitude, express it. If it is due to something private, express it to yourself; if it is due to something someone else has done, tell them so. If the latte has a beautiful swirl, a compliment and thanks to the barista will make you both feel good. If the building security guy holds the door for you, a thank-you and a smile could make his day. If a coworker has just saved you some time, a thank-you email with a copy to her supervisor could not only go into her "keep" file, to take out and look at on the days that don't go so well, but could help her career.
Thankfulness, like mindfulness, costs nothing and takes next to no time. It opens the door to better health and relationships, and is a cost-free investment in a better, happier life.
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